Dungeons & Doritos: ‘Twas The Night Before Crunchmas

by Ryan McQuinn & Mike McQuinn

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Music from the 32nd Dungeons & Doritos episode, "‘Twas The Night Before Crunchmas".

PAY WHAT YOU WANT! All proceeds go back into the D&D music department.


released December 17, 2014

All songs written and performed by Ryan McQuinn except "Crunchmas Without You"- a parody of "Christmas Without You" (Goldstein / Parton) music performed by Mike McQuinn, lyrics by Cap Blackard, with vocals from the cast of Dungeons & Doritos.



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The Nerdy Show Network is home to the finest podcasts in the multiverse! Here you'll find original music from our shows including the original score from our RPG series such as Dungeons & Doritos.

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Track Name: The Cast of Dungeons & Doritos/ Mike McQuinn - Crunchmas Without You
Crunchmas without you
My heart's snapped right in two
Like Doritos with no Dew
Crunchmas without you

You rat bastard Tiefling – I tried forgetting
But who am I kidding, I still think of you.

Jen'Ifer: My darling Dragonborn
Jamela: (ooh yes)
Jen'Ifer: I've been away too long
Jamela: (you have been away so long)
Jen'Ifer: I see now that I was wrong - For not loving you

Jamela and Jen'Ifer: Crunchmas without you - fire with nothing to catch to
Jen'Ifer: Jamela I-
Jamela: Oh hush you. I know you love me, it's true.

Jamela and Jen'Ifer: Crunchmas without you
Jamela: Get your cloak off and let's screw!
Jen'Ifer: If there's one thing I'm into – it's Crunchmas inside you

Vimak: This being of happy time
Barty: (I'll say)
Vimak: And yet I feel sad inside
Barty: (boo hoo)
Vimak: For fallen comrades on this Crunchmas Eve

Barty: Hey, I miss him too, pal
Lefty: (Poor Chair)
Barty: But Chair loved a rowdy-dow
Lefty: (It's true)
Barty: I know he's here with us-
Deen: Or in heaven with Steve!

Vimak, Lefty, Barty: Crunchmas without you
Lefty: Was just something I lived through. But Jamela and Vimak and Barty too - You're the family I never knew

Deen: Crunchmas without Deen - That exclusion was so mean!
Lefty: It didn't fit in the rhyme scheme
Deen: Oh, that seems reasonable to me
Lefty: Yeah, Deen – you're great!

Jamela and Jen'Ifer: This Crunchmas I'm with you
Jamela: Looks like wishes can come true
Jen'Ifer: Let's break every taboo
Lefty: Woah you guys! Get a room.

Jamela and Jen'Ifer: Sweet loving affection
Jamela: This Tiefling's erection
Lefty: (I can't unsee that!)
Jamela: He don't need no protection
Lefty: (Jamela, that's gross)
Jamela: -Oh hey Lefty, what are you doing here?

Lefty: Does this seem strange to you?
Jamela: (You can probably join in)
Lefty: Yuck- but Jen'Ifer can't stand you!
Jamela: You're jealous aren't you? He might be a crumb-bum, but Goddess I want some – honest I do.

Jen'Ifer: Oh that's right, I hate you!
Jamela: No darling, that's not true!
Jen'Ifer: I'll Eldritch blast you!
Jamela: No but-
Barty: Is this the part where we just name chips?
Ranch-Dipped Hotwings, and Smoky Chipotle B-B-Q
Chile Limon, and Locos Tacos, Flammas too